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It can be a painful and difficult time for all involved, including friends and family searching for just the right thing to say to comfort the bereaved. Here are some tips for what you can do to help, and some tips for what not to do as well.

• Remember that the loss of a child is one of the most difficult things a parent will ever face, nothing you can do will take away their grief, or their loss - but if you offer support and a safe place to grieve, you give comfort.
  
  
• After the funeral, many people think it is best to leave people to grieve on their own. This can be a very difficult and isolating time when people may feel abandoned. Check in and see if they need anything, if they want to talk or to get out of the house.
  
  
• Allow a safe place for tears in your presence, crying can help in the healing process and grief stricken parents should not be made to feel ashamed for crying.
  
  
• Ask if they want to talk about their feelings of loss or love or hopes for their child. Open the door for discussion without prying.
  
  
• Remind them that grief has no rules or timeframes, we all grieve in our own way and they can take as long or short a time as necessary.
  
  
• Call when you are running errands; ask if they need you to stop at the cleaners or the grocery store.
  
  
• Are there other children? Perhaps you could offer to baby-sit, drop them off at school, help with the children during the funeral or wake.
  
  
• Check in often during the next several months. Long after the outside world has moved on, this family is still living with the loss of a loved one, an empty place at the table and in their lives. When you ask how they are doing, you validate their right to grieve.
  
  
• Remember the anniversary with a card or a phone call.
  
  
• Let them know it is okay when they start to feel better again; it is okay to laugh, to smile - to feel joy again.
  
  
• Let them know you are there for them, no matter how long it takes.
  
  

What NOT to Say:

• He/She is in a better place.
• It was meant to be.
• You can always have another child.
• It will be better soon, time heals all wounds.
• I know exactly how you feel. (The exception of coarse is if you have lost a child/baby/spouse etc. yourself. Even then, remember you are there to comfort them in their grief, not to be comforted).
• Don't make any comments which in any way suggest that the loss was their fault.
• You should feel/do/be__ allow them their own process and grief.
• It could have been worse.